


I Might Be Wrong

by Smercy



Category: Damages
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 22:18:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smercy/pseuds/Smercy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patty began to laugh, sharply derisive. "So, you are convinced that there is one defined and correct way to conduct your life, and you think that you can manage to find it. Not only will you know it when you see it, there will be no impossible circumstances to keep you from following what you are supposed to do. And you have concluded that once you are able to follow this mythical right thing to do, the universe will reveal itself to be a meritocracy and you will be justly rewarded." She frowned, slipping from mockery to anger. "I am so disappointed."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Might Be Wrong

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jaybee65](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaybee65/gifts).



-

_August._

-

Ellen was hungover even before she woke up, but the throbbing headache and low-level stomach churning were the only side effects. And Wes had changed her alarm to the radio, and it played a horrible hip-hop love song. The bass throbbed slightly out of synch with her nausea. Her hair didn't feel especially bad, she could probably throw it into a bun and go to work without a shower.

Ellen was not the type of person that believed that the quality of her day was determined by its morning. The time right before work was always the worst part. She was always exhausted and had to drag herself out of bed. Sometimes she dreamed about David and forgot for a few seconds. A couple of times, the prospect of

But Ellen get a quickie from Wes, not shower and skip breakfast, go to work all crusty and exhausted and have a perfectly adequate day. It was funny how that worked out. If she needed it, she could always nap at work.

This morning did suck. She could tell from the steam on her mirror that Wes had used up all of the hot water, and the bottle of aspirin that she kept next to her bed was empty. Sometimes she felt like all of the beige on her walls was judging her, although she was usually still drunk when that happened.

She had to get to work. There was aspirin in the kitchen and all of her laundry was clean. Ellen chose a blue shirt and impractical shoes and left without locking the door or saying goodbye. The best part of her apartment was how close it was to everything she wanted. She would be in work within 15 minutes, and nobody would give her a second look. She could walk anonymously in a crowd. There were no ever-present eyes. Ellen Parsons answered only to herself.

This was her life, and she liked it.

Ellen was completely without jeopardy, and that was the best life of all.

-

Work was dead in the way that meant that there were piles and piles of paperwork labeled "urgent" that wouldn't be noticed if they weren't completed. And Ellen could get those done way ahead of schedule, but kept that quiet since she didn't want to give herself no leeway for lunch and bathroom breaks. She was irrationally angry, probably because it was the 4th and David had been murdered on a 4th but that really wasn't an excuse. Ellen just couldn't be around other people and not ignite with rage, so she stayed in her office and stewed.

The worst part of her new job, for sure, although it had been almost 5 months and she really should stop calling it new by now, was the official chamber meetings with the judges. The first time she had gone as counsel, the judge had spent the entire meeting with his eyes down her shirt. He didn't even bother to disguise the slobber.

The next meeting had the same judge try and accidentally rip her top open a few more buttons, and ended with him pinching her ass but missing and hitting the tender part of her hip instead. She knew better than to look outraged, but her face didn't stop burning for hours. Another judge unsubtly implied that he would have a faster decision time if he could spend a few hours in private chambers with her. And her colleague hadn't even blinked. Ellen couldn't wear her nice clothes. She had developed a special wardrobe of ill-fitting pastels just for her court appearances. She could make a list of all of the offenses, but even that would accomplish nothing.

Every time she consulted with a fellow lawyer, she was subtly ignored, especially if it wasn't another woman. Oftentimes, her remarks were never acknowledged as recieved. Her male colleagues never recieved such treatment. And there wasn't anywhere to put in a complaint, it was like everything was completely invisible.

It was the complete pervasiveness of it that burned her out. The sexism was everywhere, and it was thick, and it was never ever talked about. She had an opposing council in his 60s grab her by the collar and lean in for a kiss against her will, and nobody that saw him reacted. Ellen couldn't even outwardly show her disgust.

Wes said that she needed to change jobs, but he was prone to overreaction and Ellen knew in her gut that it was the same everywhere else. And this was supposedly the frontier that feminism won. She didn't envy Patty starting her career back in the dark ages. But at the same time, Ellen was tougher. Her skin was thicker and she had begun to cultivate a reputation for no-nonsense work.

So when she got into work and the job was easy to the point of sleepwalking, and her hours were filled with endless dull paperwork and training wheels, she didn't mind. Ellen could deal with the lack of respect for her opinion and the unrelenting pressure, and the feeling of eyes constantly judging her on her looks. Ellen was a damn good lawyer. And at least she wasn't working for Patty Hewes.

-

Claire Maddox, another lawyer that Patty had ousted, had gotten a job at Ellen's firm. Much higher up, of course. She got a big office with nice windows and underlings. It probably didn't meet the standards of her former office, and Ellen did not want to pry.

Ellen knew how it was to be on the recieving end of Patty Hewes's interference, so she avoided Maddox as often as possible. She knew that some things were better left alone. Ellen sat in her tiny office and kept to herself. She didn't bother to attempt to curry favor.

Mostly, she missed David and wore a lot of ill-fitting clothes.

But the first time that Maddox passed her office, she poked her head inside the door like they were close. "Do you have a few minutes?"

"Of course," Ellen said, and pulled a chair for her. She wasn't suspicious or wary, she probably just seemed slightly surprised.

Maddox sat in the chair, looking almost alarmingly good, and smiled in a way that was supposed to seem warm and didn't quite make it. "We met at Patty Hewes's offices a few times, I think," she drawled.

"Yes, I remember you," Ellen said. "How are you now?"

"Just fine," Maddox's smile made her eyes crinkle and didn't seem any less fake. "Finding it a bit hard to make friends here in New York, but otherwise I'm wonderful. How are you?"

Ellen grinned to disguise the dryness in her throat. "I'm great," she lied. "Just settling in."

"Well," Maddox said, "We are part of an exclusive club here, the only two new hires that are women and not fresh out of law school."

Ellen couldn't help herself. "And the only two with experience with Patty."

Maddox giggled. "So yes. I think that sometime, you and I should get coffee. Maybe commiserate a bit."

"That sounds nice," Ellen watched Maddox stand, looking very relieved.

She handed Ellen her business card, and the back had her cell phone number written in pen. Maddox grinned. "If you want to chat, I'll be around," she winked and sauntered out of the office.

Ellen's smile stayed pasted on to her face. The whole thing was blatantly suspicious.

-

_September._

-

It wasn't hard to follow Claire Maddox unnoticed, not with all of the practice she'd had being followed. She got out of the office early and waited in the company parking garage to watch Claire enter her car. It was a black Mercedes, like half of the cars in the lot, but Ellen wrote down the license plate. From there, it was easy to rent a car to follow her surreptitiously.

She could have hired a Private Investigator, but there was no excitement in that. For the first time in months, Ellen didn't dread her afternoons.

Less than a week in, she saw Claire enter the back of an unmarked silver sedan with tinted windows. She stayed in the back of the car, the car stayed in place, and she got out less than 10 minutes later. Once Claire had left, Ellen passed the car, pretending to be engrossed in texting. Two people in the car, in suits. With sunglasses, even.

So Maddox was meeting with the FBI. She was probably an informant. But since they were in the same firm, and they weren't engaged in any illegal activity, that could only mean one thing. It was about Patty.

Ellen walked quietly back to her apartment and drew a pro/con list by hand. Obviously, someone in the FBI hadn't finished with Patty. The only clue she had was their earlier conversation. Claire had offered breakfast with no clear meeting date, and tried to indicate openness and establish a friendly bond between the two of them. If she had been instructed to do that by the FBI, Ellen decided, there would have been a concrete date and place, or at least some thing to indicate an ambush. She had to be working for Patty.

Patty had just opened up an avenue for contact, Ellen was probably already being monitored. Patty still thought that she would come back. Ellen probably should have felt more apprehensive, but instead she just felt hungry.

-

Rumors were an inevitable part of office politics, and in a firm as large as NAME, the rumor mill was intense. Ellen immediately came in at a disadvantage. The other female lawyers hated her wardrobe, thought it was too flashy, and the older women were nakedly envious of her looks. It didn't help that she had a sordid background. And coming straight from Hewes and Assocates after a particularly fraught year made things even worse.

Ellen had learned skills from Patty that made things bearable. She knew where to find her allies, how to sweet-talk the paralegals and legal secretaries. She had a small set of support staff that were very loyal, simply because she treated them with respect. Her favorite paralegal, Evelyn, gave her weekly gossip updates.

The current rumor had to do with David. Most of the rumors that weren't about Patty did. This one had him secretly doing Patty and she had exploded with rage and murdered him, and had blackmailed Patty with the news of an affair, so her tenure at Hewes and Associates ended with the news of Patty's divorce.

Raya from the Real Estate wing was still going on about how Ellen had only lasted as long as she did because of her place between Patty's thighs.

Ellen was so fucking tired of it. She was doing shit work for even shittier hours and for some soulless corporation that didn't have anything but profit on its mind. And they didn't even bother to give her the pretense of respect.

She got home from work and ordered some Thai, feeling a headache building deep in her neck. Ellen lay back on the couch, trying to keep her breathing even. She hated law for the first time in her life. She wanted to do something meaningful.

Ellen felt anger coil in her gut, almost unbearably tight. This was her life.

She wondered what David would think if he saw her, if he could even see her at all.

-

Claire Maddox was not hard to find, and she was much friendlier with her than the other associates. Ellen was very careful to keep her composure.

There was useless small talk and banter, and Maddox looked very dignified while also exceedingly stressed. Ellen let the conversation idle for a few minutes, and then paused. She kept her tone even, just like she were making any other request. "I want a meeting with Patty."

Maddox paused, tongue stuck in the middle of her throat. It only lasted for a moment, and then she arched one eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Ellen shifted in her chair and smiled a little bit. "If you could, I would appreciate the favor." There was more quiet, so Ellen pressed a little more. "Tell Patty that I want a meeting with her."

"That is damn uncanny," Maddox sighed.

Ellen smiled. "You have my number," she said, walking out. She wasn't feeling particularly friendly.

A few hours later, Claire's text message read, "Her apartment. Thursday. 9pm."

-

Ellen had a speech prepared, something that she had spent an embarrassingly long time crafting. It was hopefully going to be eloquent and involve leaving her pride completely intact. She knew that she was probably going to be unable to use it, Patty would probably want her to grovel, and most likely on her knees.

She had a second speech prepared about how awful the rest of the firms were. How much she had grown to appreciate what Patty did, and how she worked best in a challenging environment. She was going to mention that she wouldn't ever superfically quit again, and that she didn't really mind the part where Patty had tried to have her killed and had in fact forgiven her.

They were both lies, but they would hopefully reflect her seriousness.

Ellen still hated stepping foot in Patty's apartment. Patty was at the farthest dining room table, illuminated by candles. She looked like a statue, and Patty didn't bother looking up at Ellen, as though she hadn't heard her. Ellen didn't audibly swallow or show any sign of weakness. She walked very calmly to Patty's table and took a seat in the farthest chair.

Without looking at her, Patty got up and placed a folder and fountain pen where the dinner setting would have been. Ellen didn't feel comfortable talking, but she didn't want to open it without permission. So she sat. She was very quiet. She wished she knew what Patty was thinking.

Patty very loudly sighed. "If you want to talk with me, you will sign that."

Ellen opened the folder without trepidation. She was looking at a job contract. Flipping through it revealed that it was the same as her previous contract, except for the privacy agreement and the salary had gotten a bump. It was everything that she had wanted, with the kindness of not having to beg for it. Patty probably knew that she would've, that knowledge was enough.

Her lungs felt heavy and tight. "Welcome back, Ellen," Patty smiled.

"What do you want me to do?"

Patty moved over to the chair at Ellen's right. She looked for a few frightening seconds as if she was going to stroke Ellen's face. "Do you have vacation time?" Ellen nodded. "Submit for your vacation tonight and your resignation tomorrow. They should just give you the rest of the two weeks if you promptly collect your belongings. Don't worry about burning your bridges."

Ellen nodded. "Do you have another case already?"

Patty grinned like a satisfied predator. "There's always another case. I'll give you the information when you come to the offices tomorrow night. 11:30." She slowly grabbed Ellen's wrist and opened her fingers, placing an office key inside, looking at Ellen's face all throughout. Ellen couldn't help the full-body shiver.

There were too many literary allusions going through her head and she could barely breathe, but Ellen kept her features calm. "I think," Patty said, letting the words trail off. For a horrible second, Ellen thought that she was going to make the Casablanca reference, but Patty just said, "You are back where you belong."

Ellen nodded, not trusting her voice until she reached the door. "11:30 tomorrow," she confirmed.

"Be prompt," Patty's voice echoed.

Ellen didn't cry the entire way home.

-

Ellen didn't want to think about how she had just signed a contract to work for Hewes and Associates again, especially after what happened to David. She had promised herself that she was going to have closure, but she couldn't manage it.

She kicked her pumps off to the side of the bed and threw herself backwards on top of the covers. Even through all of the guilt, there was a sick sense of accomplishment. Scotch would fix that.

The decanter was right on her bedstand, next to the alarm clock. And she didn't need to get a glass, Ellen could just take sips from the top. There was nobody around to see, and it wasn't a habit, so she was fine. Ellen stared at the ceiling and began to sip.

It wasn't that she was thinking of nothing, because her adrenaline hadn't calmed down since meeting with Patty. And Wes was going to be away for the next few days. The clock blinked that it was past 2:00, so everybody was asleep. And she didn't have work in the morning.

Pajamas, she needed those. And once she was in those, she could start drinking again.

And the next time she looked at the bottle, it was more than half done and she wanted to cry. She quickly reached over and put her phone into the complicated keypad lock mode that ensured that she couldn't drunk dial anyone of importance and took another drink.

She could barely taste the burn. Her tongue was heavy.

And the room was spinning, and Ellen didn't care. She was supposed to feel less trapped or more confident or less alone. She was supposed to have purpose now.

Ellen felt trapped. And drunk. Mostly drunk.

And just the tiniest bit victorious. Hopefully that would go away with the next shot.

-

There wasn't much to say goodbye to, and Ellen's personal belongings didn't even fit in a cardboard box.

Of course there was more gossip. Now Ellen was a burnout on top of the usual slander. She made sure to wear wildly impractical shoes with her usual outfit and smile warmly at everyone she passed. It was hard to keep from looking smug, even though she had practiced in the mirror that morning.

She was going to work for Patty. She was going to do more than input numbers, it was back to making a difference.

Ellen almost pitied them in their little overworked little cubicles. They would never manage to do the work that she could.

She was gracious and polite despite every time that she had been referred to as the murderer that spent her entire tenure at Hewes and Associates under Patty's skirt. Ellen would never get to shove her heel into the gossipy receptionist's eye socket, but she no longer cared.

Her favorite office paralegal's eye makeup looked watery and smudged, like she had been feeling weepy. Ellen pulled her into a sideways hug. "I'll miss working with you, Evelyn," she smiled. Evelyn was probably the only good person of the entire bunch, the only woman Ellen's age that wasn't focused on fucking the partners. Evelyn probably could have, if she had lost the weight, but instead she was warm and moral. There was a directory of possible quality support staff at Hewes and Associates to help them weed through the applicants, and Evelyn was going in it.

She buried her face in Ellen's shoulder. "I'm going to miss you. You were just starting to fit in, too."

"Well," Ellen smiled, "This doesn't have to be the last time. I'm sure we can meet for coffee. This city isn't as big as it seems."

Evelyn picked at the bottom of her sweater and inhaled. "Yeah. We really should do that." She reached over and programmed her number into Ellen's cell phone, and Ellen fumbled as she wrote hers on a piece of scrap paper. Evelyn tore it in half as soon as she was finished.

"I guess I'll see you later then," Ellen said, balancing her box on her hip. She wouldn't see any of the other gossipy support. And she probably wouldn't see Evelyn either, but that didn't feel like a lie.

Ellen was just going to have severely limited free time as she got back to doing work that actually mattered and juggling Patty.

-

_October._

-

The familiarity of the Hewes and Associates office made her chest ache, especially with the empty offices. She had tried to avoid coming walking in the building after dark since Fiske, but there was no choice. Patty insisted that she needed to play the part of disgraced outsider, so she did. Patty was her boss now; Ellen's livelihood depended on her whims again. She could taste acid in her throat and quickly swallowed it away.

But Patty probably already knew. Ellen didn't want to think about what Patty was doing with the information, but her feet were locked in place and she could only see Patty. Patty was too quiet, and that made her mind wander like it used to, and Ellen was already exhausted. It was probably a terrible idea to go back to Patty, she was the law world's version of an addict and Patty was the highest grade crack around or something. It took all of her focus to keep from fidgeting.

Patty peered up through her glasses and slid a familiar red folder across the surface of the desk. The folder smelled familiar, and it was deceptively slim. "Sit," Patty commanded, her voice going rough. Ellen had gotten rusty, because otherwise she would've remembered how much tentativity annoyed Patty. She made sure that she did not timidly find her seat.

Ellen had the covert part of the operation; Patty's official briefs never contained pictures. "Our newest Class Action," Patty said, reclining in her chair. "It's been in the making for the past few months. We're suing Life Armor, although not for the name."

"They insure the high risk at very low prices, I've seen the commercials." Ellen immediately felt like a bragging first-year law student, but Patty shrugged that off.

"They can insure those high risk clients because of a very complicated legal loophole buried in their fine print, which automatically denies coverage to any client that was born prematurely, and a few other similar states. The reason for denial is never given to the clients, and the insurance continues billing, even though the client can never actually recieve their services." Patty's face looked angry, but not quite as furious as the Frobisher case.

"Shit. How can they get away from that?"

Patty made a noise halfway between a sigh and giggle. "Life Armor is owned by Gator Operations, a shell corporation owned through another few shells that all leads back to Magnolia Enterprises United." She knew that name, it was the company that had all of those organic grocery stores and the organic Target ripoffs, and the environmentally friendly airline.

"That seems pretty easy to find, what's the main problem with the case?" Patty raised an eyebrow. Oh, so it wasn't legal.

Patty leaned in, looking very much like a large cat. "The Owner/CEO, Wentworth DuBois, has deep pockets and well-established ties to the FBI." The righteous fury began to leak through. "He has been buying the FBI's silence, among other things. They provide him protection against potential lawsuits, and a great base to scare off lawyers that might be considering it. And Life Armor is counting on at least another few years of business while Health Care Reform is stalling." Ellen nodded. Most all of the civil action cases were tied up in the banking fraud.

So much of her job was in reading Patty's cues, and it was harder after her break and with no Tom, but she still had the skills. "So what do you need me to do?"

"Establish contacts with the low-level staff, build a rapport, that sort of thing. You won't have much paperwork, but you will be coordinating with my various Private Investigators and establishing our information base. The crucial information is in that folder."

So Ellen was the new Tom. Quietly coordinating things on the outside and getting all of the secret late night meetings with Patty, developing the strategy. Ellen could barely contain her smirk, and bit down on her bottom lip until she drew blood. Patty had turned back to her paperwork, so Ellen knew she was dismissed.

Before Ellen had walked past the doorway, Patty called, "I'll be expecting your first progress report in 2 days. I've scheduled dinner." Ellen nodded. "Oh, and Ellen?" Patty smiled in a way that was probably deliberately unconvincing. "Eat something on your way out."

Ellen bristled, but stole a clementine from the break room.

-

Ellen brought a bottle of very expensive celebratory wine and some candied almonds.

"I'm still technically on vacation," she giggled, and handed both to Evelyn. She had a bit of difficulty finding clothes that were not her work clothes that didn't look like something that Katie would throw on for some partying. After an embarrassingly long time, she had settled on jeans, work heels, and a novelty t-shirt under one of Wes's leather jackets. Her hair probably looked too styled, but she didn't care.

A very tall woman in a bright red skirt grabbed the wine from Evelyn and yelled, "Booze!"

Evelyn blushed a little and rolled her eyes. "Ellen, this is my best friend, Josie. Josie, don't act like such a kid."

Ellen shook Josie's hand and turned to sit on a bean bag chair in the living room. It was, well, it was just exactly like every other bean bag chair in existence. She hadn't sat in once since her first year of law school. "We're getting Thai from this awesome place that my boss's cousin showed me last year. And then, it's gonna be Die Hard."

"I've never actually seen Die Hard," Ellen admitted. She still felt overdressed.

Evelyn loudly gasped and clasped her hands to her chest. "But how? How could you miss the Alan Rickman? It's a classic!"

"Law school," Ellen shrugged.

Josie entered the room with the corkscrew stuck in the wine bottle. Evelyn grabbed the end of the bottle and held it steady while Josie attempted to get the cork out. "Lawyers," Josie groaned. "Throw all of them in the ocean and light it on fire."

"We promised that we wouldn't work gossip in front of the recently unemployed, Josie," Evelyn poked her shoulder.

"Oh no, I don't mind," Ellen grinned. "I love a good work gossip. Do you have anything harder than wine?"

Ellen decided right then and there that she needed more friends that she didn't work with. She couldn't do anything about it, but she still decided. And then, she got very, very drunk and giggly.

-

Dinner with Patty was a horribly awkward affair, and it didn't have anything to do with her hangover.

It consisted mostly of Patty using her most motherly voice and blatantly interrogating Ellen about everything that had happened while she was working at Blackwell, Estes, Price &amp; Ingram. Ellen's tolerance for dealing with Patty's mindgames wasn't what it used to be, and she found herself exhausted halfway through and barely keeping herself from gulping the port.

She had probably made a terrible mistake.

Patty could tell when she was thinking it, because her eyes changed. She left to go rummage around in the kitchen in her pajamas like an old woman. Patty looked almost fragile when you couldn't see her face.

She grabbed a package of Ho-Hos and tossed them onto Ellen's lap. She was too startled to catch, but they weren't damaged. She couldn't speak.

"Eat a Ho-Ho, Ellen. You're practically skeletal."

Patty stood in front of her and watched as Ellen ate the entire package down to the last bite. Then, she placed another Ho-Ho in front of her and smirked in a facsimile of caring.

Ellen hated when Patty was motherly. The hate rose up in her throat like bile and hardened, becoming familiar. But she couldn't afford to look hostile.

"It's alright to cry, Ellen," Patty soothed. "I know how stressful it's been for all of us."

Patty chose to mock her, because she was Patty Hewes. It didn't matter how much her eyes stung, Ellen refused to cry. She ate another Ho-Ho instead.

-

Ellen's instinctive judgment skills were rapidly coming back, aching like an atrophied muscle and still a bit dull. She liked to practice on bystanders. Claire Maddox sat like the posture had been beaten into her through sheer force or repetition. She had probably been in beauty pageants when she was younger.

Ellen could probably learn something from the way that Maddox ate. It wasn't dainty, but full of dignity. She had a hard time focusing on the conversation, every time she thought about the case it felt like she was fighting tears. Patty always had a steep learning curve, and this time she didn't have any support.

"You look tired," Maddox tilted her head.

Ellen took a bite of salad, chewing thoughtfully. "Getting used to being more nocturnal," she said. "Patty is very demanding."

Maddox shrugged, a fluid movement that seemed to reach all the way down to her legs. She seemed younger than it was possible for her to be. She leaned over for a conspiratorial whisper. "I wouldn't cross Patty again for ownership of Microsoft." It was a good, safe strategy.

Ellen nodded. Somehow, she had never managed to be so smart. It wasn't hard to remember how to be friendly and disinterested all at once, but her body seemed to rebel against it. She wanted to say that she did everything that Patty wanted, and she ended up with a dead fiance. She took another bite of salad with too much dressing.

"So, about what you're going to tell the agents."

Maddox readied her notepad and pen.

-

Ellen turned to a more comfortable position on Patty's couch. It was much easier to do when there was no propriety of workwear, and Patty responded more favorably if Ellen pretended to be relaxed. Her jeans bunched uncomfortably at her knees. "Claire Maddox seems to be as much of a fixed point as she can be. I don't forsee any problems, and she's been relating the leaks along perfectly."

Patty nodded, passing a package of chips over to Ellen and raising an eyebrow. She had a look on her face like she had just finished fighting a battle, but wasn't in court clothes, so that meant Michael. "Good. I'm transferring her over to you. You will be the primary contact, the FBI has little reason to tap your conversations." Ellen nodded.

"I think we can trust her," Ellen offered.

Patty leaned across the desk, sharklike. "No one is trustworthy. Everyone has a bargaining point, and a breaking point, and everyone has a fatal weakness. Especially Claire Maddox."

Ellen opened the package of chips and tried not to look at the spot where Fiske had died. She couldn't think of an appropriate response. She waited for Patty to continue, since there was no Tom to temper her.

"It is imperative that you know the weaknesses of your enemies and your allies alike. You have to know what motivates every single one of them, just in case. Claire Maddox is a lesbian so closeted that she doesn't even realize it." Ellen had to fight a shocked gasp with a strategically placed chip. "She grew up in an overbearing household in the ERA, lesbianism wasn't even an option. She doesn't even realize that she wants it, just that she goes for young adrogynous boys that never pose any danger of commitment. And Claire is never satisfied, no matter what she does. It drives her."

Ellen didn't bother to question the truthfulness of that statement, it made too much sense. "So what do you do with that knowledge?"

"Nothing, for now. I certainly don't have any moral qualms about it." The specter of the attack on Ellen lay thick in the air, or maybe she was imagining it. "Although Michael's girlfriend would make an excellent candidate, should that avenue need to be persued."

Ellen shifted in her seat. She didn't want to have to figure out what Patty meant by that. She wanted to know what Patty had figured out about her.

-

Ellen woke up angry and it stuck. She had been dreaming about David, one of those slow dreams that was replaying a memory. The night that they had shared after becoming engaged with all of the tenderness. And somewhere partway through, David had morphed into Patty. She had kept right on fucking, and grabbed the finger where the ring had been. "I know what you really want," Patty groaned.

Ellen spent the entire day reviewing briefs, sleep deprived, and denying herself a nap out of spite. If her brain was going to give her that shit, her brain was going to get some sleep deprivation.

Wes was late again, late to the point that his portion of takeout had gone cold and Ellen would be damned if she was going to microwave it for him. She had planned on tying him to the bed, but the more she thought about it, the angrier she became. It was like the walls of her apartment were mocking her.

When he opened the door, Wes smelled like gunpowder and was walking with a slight limp. And right then, she was done. Just completely done. She sat in silence, idly clicking through pages of reports from Patty's Private Investigators, laptop turned away from his sight. Wes didn't even bother to microwave the lukewarm lo mein. Ellen adopted her saddest face and even added a sniffle or two.

"I'm really sorry, Babe," Wes whispered as he kissed her cheek. "Let me take a quick shower and I'll make it up to you."

Ellen didn't bother to nod. Her whole gut was sickeningly tight. She had less than 5 minutes before Wes got out and she had to figure out how he could get his forgiveness. But just as she was getting to the good part of the scenario, his phone buzzed and wouldn't stop.

Usually, she just had to snap it open and then shut to get it to ignore, but Ellen was angry, so she looked. She couldn't see anything but the blank subject line and the originating number. But she recognized it.

She didn't bother to wait until Wes was finished. Ellen stormed into the bathroom and shoved the water off in one hard twist. She tossed him a towel and attempted to keep from throwing the phone. "Your phone buzzed, asshole," she spat.

"Ellen, what is going on?" Wes looked like he couldn't decide whether to be defensive or turned on.

"I saw the number. That is one of Patty Hewes's private business accounts." She had to throw the phone, but at his shoulder and he did manage to catch it. "How long?"

She was so angry that she couldn't see straight. "Since the stabbing," Wes said.

That motherfucker. "Get out," Ellen spat. "Get the fuck out of my house, you fucking liar." Her yell turned almost to a warble at the end, and she probably sounded like a jilted drama queen. But shit, he had been working for Patty for the entire time right under her nose. He was probably passing information along that whole time and she had never even suspected. Ellen threw his pants at him, not caring when they landed in a puddle. "You liar, you godamn liar. Just get out!"

Ellen almost wanted to be one of those girls who would crush the bar of soap under her shoe and break the nearest porcelain things, but she couldn't. Wes almost looked scared. "I can explain," he held his hands out as if she wanted to touch him.

"I don't care," Ellen said. She focused on a spot on the wall like her therapist had instructed and breathed very deeply into her stomach. She wanted to sound like Patty. Her voice was unwavering and eerily calm. "I guess you can go get in bed with Patty. You can't do it here."

Wes looked almost like he was going to cry. But it was a lie. Or, even if it wasn't a lie, Ellen didn't care.

-

_November._

-

Ellen had made progress with her contacts, so Patty folded in an official meeting with their usual Thursday night dinner. If Ellen didn't know better, she would think that the dinners were Patty's reaction to a constantly empty house, but nothing was ever that simple with her. But this time, a few of the top associates were with them.

Only the newest ones looked particularly surprised to see her. Or, they didn't look resigned to her presence. To her surprise, Ellen didn't feel any more tense than she usually did. And she had almost missed the company. That might be the port's fault, though. The entire afternoon strategy session had gone surprisingly well, so long as she didn't think about Wes.

Tom wasn't there. Ellen knew better than to ask outright, so she waited until Patty had assembled them all at the table and started her toast. "Just a quick one, I promise." Patty smiled, all false warmth. "I want to thank all of you for coming tonight and extending your work hours even longer. I felt it appropriate that we all formally meet with Ellen, and I do appreciate those of you who could disengage from your busy homelives for this." That was for Tom. So the baby was causing a lot of friction between them.

Nobody seemed sure whether or not to applaud. Patty didn't bother. "Ellen has been working an inside angle on this latest case, courting a potential witness that would be wary to meet with us in person at this juncture," Patty explained. "And thanks to all of your dedicated efforts, I can say that within the next 3 days, we will begin our campaign to sue Life Armor for massive fraud against the public."

And there was the applause. From over her shoulder, Felicia whispered, "That name is fraud enough." It was a ploy to open a relationship between the two of them, but it was naked and Ellen appreciated that. She nodded and pretended to be just clued into Patty's grand plan.

Patty didn't mention the FBI connections to any of the other staff. Ellen could feel the burden of that knoweldge settle high in her chest, straightening her posture. None of the people there knew Patty as well as she did.

There was purpose in the air, all of the associates filling their wine glasses as if readying themselves for battle. Ellen could feel the adrenaline pumping thickly all through her. Things were about to get hard, and everyone knew it. That was almost a drug itself, the pressure of an upcoming case. Patty looked languid and triumphant all at once, tapping her fingernails on the table and speaking with no one.

-

Ellen had been dreading the official deposition since Patty had given her the plan. But she wore her most conservative suit, put her hair up in an elegant style that reminded her of all of the times she had spite styled her hair against Patty. She looked calm, composed, and not at all like she had pasted her smile on.

She was first stopped in front of the courthouse. The security guards looked apologetic. "Random search, Ma'am," they murmured. She smiled wryly in return. It was just a simple bag check.

There was another personal check at the metal detectors. These guards looked businesslike, but Ellen kept smiling. She pretended to be slightly nervous, "I've got a big deposition coming up," she idly chattered. Security didn't bother to respond, using 3 different wands to scan her. There was a thorough patdown and Ellen was sent on her way.

And then stopped less then 20 feet away by more uniformed court security. They pulled her into what as probably an interrogation room, the largest guard looking dismayed. "Homeland Security protocols said we have to do this every week, and you were the thousandth person through the door, sorry." Ellen nodded and looked as though she were having a bad case of nerves. She was searched inside of the private room for upwards of 10 minutes, fruitlessly.

She was led back into the line to get into the back room of the courthouse, and less than 2 minutes into it was apprehended by uniformed FBI agents. "Come with us," they spat. They pulled her into a tinier, colder private room. The taller one, the woman, tried to intimidate Ellen. "Where is it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ellen replied, letting her voice quiver at the end.

The woman's breath with thick with anchovies. Ellen disliked her on sight. "Don't play games with me, little girl. Tell me where it is." Of course, Ellen revealed nothing. She continued to reveal nothing when they strip-searched her. And when they let her go, only to immediately place her back in the room and cavity search her again.

Ellen was 25 minutes late to the deposition. Patty was pacing around the room, obviously furious. She snatched at the FBI agent's hand, "Do I get my associate now?" Patty was obviously distressed, snarling.

The agent looked over at the tall blonde man in the farthest corner of the room, trying to communicate with his eyebrows. The man's expression changed immediately from smugness to what appeared to be nausea. He was the only person in the room not wearing a suit, so he had to be DuBois. Honestly, Ellen was surprised that he wasn't wearing a cowboy hat.

The Judge, one of Patty's old friends, looked concernedly to Ellen. "How many times were you searched?" The endearment was unspoken, he sounded like a grandfather.

Ellen let all of the anger rise up in her cheeks and eyes as she spoke, barely trying to hide it. "Once outside the courtroom, and in the metal detectors, and twice in the bag screening and two more independant searches, I think." She let her voice shake a little bit, and balled her hands into fists. The knowledge that they'd planned it didn't make the experience any less embarrassing.

"Did they strip-search you?"

"Twice," Ellen responded.

All of the kindliness drained from the Judge's face. "That is excessive and verging right upon unconstitutional. Patty, I expect that you'll write up a complaint at once."

"Of course, your honor," Patty replied, grinding her teeth together. "I don't think it was a coincidence that of all of my associates, Ms. Parsons was chosen."

The Judge looked like he wanted to comfortingly pat her hand but wanted to avoid the appearance of favoritism. "No, I don't think it was coincidental at all." He paused. Patty hadn't let him in on the plan, all of his distress was real. "The documents in question, Ms. Hewes?"

Patty pulled the incriminating documents from a manilla folder in a crate at her feet, filed information that Tom had submitted earlier in the week. "Right here, your honor." Her face was completely blank of triumph.

The head council fleetingly stood. "Your honor, I would request that the veracity of these documents be inspected by the Federal Bureau of Investigation." All of his words were a jumbled mess.

The judge turned his head and sneered. "Mr. Phillips, I do believe that the FBI has done quite enough investigating of Hewes and Associates for one day."

-

Tom was furious to the point of bellowing, throwing binders of briefs dramatically onto the floor. "I cannot believe that you didn't consult with me on this! I am Partner in this firm! You are supposed to be recovering from your stab wounds! And you cannot just steamroll over me!"

Patty looked mildly perturbed in the way that meant that she would be treating him like an annoyance.

"First this case, Patty, and then assigning me all of the court appearances, and then rehiring Ellen? You had me sneak potentially illegal documents into court without bothering to warn me? I need to be appraised of these things!" Tom's voice hit a nasty high shriek. "I cannot deal with this! You either treat me with respect or I am gone."

Patty's voice was ice, "Is that a threat, Tom?" She sounded like she was ready to crush him.

"No, Patty," Tom tried to appease. "I'm just stating the way that things are." But the atmosphere had already changed to predatory.

Patty had visited Micheal earlier that morning, Ellen knew. "And what makes you think that you get to dictate that? You are away from the office dangerously often with your newborn, you are unfit to consult with." She wouldn't let Tom continue. "Frankly, I question your dedication to this firm and all that it stands for. Happy Thanksgiving, Tom, you're on thin ice."

Tom knew better than to reply, but his feet were heavy against the carpet. It was just like post-separation Patty to avoid treating any of her friends with long-term compassion. In fact, Ellen didn't know if Patty realized that Ellen was still in her apartment.

And then Ellen realized that she couldn't tell if the fight was genuine.

-

Ellen had been meeting with Evelyn for weeks, slowly building up a rapport. She hadn't been worried when Evelyn called her in the middle of the night, voice dripping with guilt.

Honestly, she had been waiting for the bombshell. It would be a bit of a relief to have the Private Investigator's reports slow on that front.

Ellen stood on Evelyn's doorstep in her pajamas and an overcoat, trying hard to keep from shivering. Evelyn had tea all set on the stove, she looked shaken. Ellen would have to make the first move. "What is it?" Her voice betrayed nothing.

"I haven't been completely honest with you," Evelyn sighed. She bit at a fingernail, pausing for long seconds. "I have a cousin. She works for the local branch of the FBI, has pretty high clearance. She's been saying some things. I know you said you needed to know if I could find anything about MEGACORP, and at first I didn't know. But uh, Megan says that they're doing things with the FBI, having lots of meetings that she's not allowed to transcribe. And I think that it's probably illegal, but Megan always tries to think the best of people and so she doesn't believe that. But I can't let her get wrapped up in that and I don't know what to do."

Ellen wrapped her arms around Evelyn, letting her shake a little in the embrace. She pulled away and smoothed a curl away from Evelyn's face. "I haven't been completely honest with you, either." She admitted, keeping the tone of her voice light. "I've gone back to working for Patty Hewes."

They were both laughing before she knew it, almost desperately. Ellen felt more relief than she probably should have, coupled with guilt. Evelyn didn't look anything like Katie, but she couldn't help the reminder. This time would be different.

"I think Patty can help you, Evelyn," Ellen said, sounding as comforting as possible. "She can probably even help your cousin. This company, it's so dangerous. It needs to be taken down, and Patty is going to do it." The best part of this task, Ellen knew, was that her bait was completely true. When she could look at the trust building in Evelyn and know that the promises she made would be fulfilled, it was a luxury that made all of the previous deceit worthwhile. Even if Patty was an uncaring ass.

-

WW DuBois did not take his public courtroom shaming well. And he did not like when Patty publically connected his name with Life Armor. He seemed to be developing an almost pathological hatred of her, the same sort of thing that Frobisher and Kendricks had. It was what made the powerful men lazy and weak, Ellen knew, but it was still frightening.

According to their sources, DuBois had begun constantly harrassing the FBI for updates, was unusually short-tempered with his staff, and sleeping erratic hours. Patty had rattled him.

So it shouldn't have been a surprise when he made an official video blog on one of his enormous organic farms and inside of his hot air balloon to shame Patty. It went on for nearly 7 minutes and called out her recent divorce proceedings, Phil's infidelity, Michael's unknown parenthood, Patty's athiesm and every other ugly personal matter that he could find. And damn, the asshole looked almost charming doing it, his blonde hair blowing dramatically in the hot air balloon currents. His teeth were overbleached, though, and when Ellen looked hard enough, she could see all of the cracks in his public persona.

DuBois looked vicious. He looked exactly like a man that would make enormous profits off the suffering and death of the innocent sick and then would loudly proclaim his virtuousness. He looked exactly the type that would simply buy police protection and then go out and party on the backs of the people he trampled. Wentworth DuBois looked like a man that would kill innocent bystanders to protect his revenue. Ellen couldn't look at him without bile rising in her throat.

Patty looked bemused, but slightly exhausted. It hadn't been easy dealing with Michael's latest college avoidance scheme and Patty had confided that Tom had started to break away from her and work entirely independently. Sometimes Ellen forgot that Patty was a woman underneath all of her forcefulness.

She entered Patty's apartment late at night, like she always did. The external management was so labor intensive that she wasn't able to deal with office work, so they usually shared dinner. Ellen was always wary of Patty's bad moods, but this seemed different. Patty didn't look vengeful.

"Make up with Wes, Ellen," Patty said, delicately resting her face in her hands. "He is more than willing to grovel, believe me."

"I don't deal well with betrayal," Ellen replied. The words seemed to resound between them, and with anyone else, Ellen probably would have laughed.

But Patty simply stared at her, scarily focused. "Learn to." Ellen couldn't hold Patty's eyes for very long, they did something that they shouldn't have had the power to be able to do. This woman had ordered her killed. "And have Claire tell the FBI that you have noticed an extreme fracture between Tom and me."

Ellen nodded and dismissed herself. She tasted blood, but that was probably because she had bitten her cheek and not noticed until right that second.

-

They met with DuBois and his personal team in a seedy alleyway in Koreatown. He had chosen the location and arrived in a stretch Hummer. He was going to try and bribe them, of course.

Patty stood like a statue, stark and unyielding against the snow. She looked like another force of nature.

DuBois drawled through a window, "What is it going to take for you to drop this?"

"Complete public humiliation. I want your legacy ruined."

"750 million," DuBois called. Patty raised an eyebrow. Ellen could hardly breathe through the quiet, even though she knew that Patty would never settle. "800 million and an incentive bonus on your end, tax free."

Patty took a long breath in pretend consideration. "I want your reputation run through the mud. I want people on the street to spit at you while you are out with your children."

"1.25 billion and a non-disclosure. Honey, I have very deep pockets," DuBois called.

Patty laughed. The snow began to move in great gusts. "I won't settle."

"When the clients hear that I've offered 1.5 billion, you won't have a choice."

Patty talked very slowly, as though she were addressing a very slow child. "This meeting is completely unofficial. And my clients know that money will not bring their unjustly murdered children back from the dead. Nothing but your complete downfall will satisfy them."

He visibly seethed. "This is going nowhere."

"Yes," Patty admitted. In the distance, Ellen could hear the faint strains of the Carol of the Bells. Strange, but she had never liked it before. And then there was the slam of a car door, and Tom appeared in the distance.

Tom was supposed to be at a deposition, not at this meeting. Patty hadn't even bothered to tell him about it before him. Ellen had to suppress a wince. But Tom walked up against the snow and took his customary spot at Patty's left, murmuring, "Anything worthwhile yet?" He had been trained so perfectly. Patty shook her head.

DuBois turned to an assistant and angrily lit a cigar. "I am not a man that you want to cross."

"Nor am I," Patty smirked.

"You do realize that I have the Federal Bureau of Investigations at my disposal?"

Patty rolled her eyes to Tom. "Must be those deep pockets." She tossed her head in the direction of the cab, her signal that Felicia and Ellen were to join them. The air was crisp and perfect. Tom reached over and reassuringly squeezed her hand, and all Ellen could think about was how badly that monster was going to pay.

Felicia had the tape recorder. Ellen had a secondary audio/video monitor. Tom was able to slide frictionlessly into his place. Ellen felt more at home than she had since David.

Patty was going to wipe that smirk right off of his face, and it would be glorious.

-

Ellen knew how to use Patty's name in public. It was currency with potential witnesses, but it was also threatening in an insidious sort of way. It was hard to comfort people using her name. But Ellen had learned how to use it from Tom, and he was the best. "Patty Hewes," she paused. "She's not like other lawyers."

Josie sat on the steps of her building, idly smoking. "I figured that one out."

"I mean, she's almost inhuman. Sometimes I look at her and it's like there's not even a person inside of there. She will do anything for justice." Ellen inhaled. "Patty will do whatever it to crush an enemy. You saw what happened to Arthur Frobisher." Josie nodded. "You're going to need to be on the right side."

Josie stubbed the cigarette against the rail, watching the ash fall. Ellen had always hated the smell of cigarettes. "You know, the first time I saw her, she freaked me out."

"She does that," Ellen agreed. She was freezing her ass off, but the potential leak was worth it. Patty would be pleased that they flipped her so far ahead of schedule.

Josie leaned her head against Ellen's thigh, almost curling up against it. "I know I'm just a personal assistant and that doesn't get me much in the way of information, but I can't be dragged down by this." Ellen nodded. "Just tell me what to look for and I'll get it."

And that was it, the fulfillment that Ellen had been missing from the entirety of her work at the other law firm. They fought for money and power without justice. When she worked for Patty, she always knew that she was on the right side.

But that was almost a torture on its own. Ellen could never find that anywhere else. It was like a drug, or a crutch or maybe some sort of parasite that had gotten under her skin and now she couldn't function without the name Patty Hewes to prove that she was always on the right side.

Even despite those awful days she had spent in jail after David, Ellen was almost sure that she had never hated Patty as much as she did in that moment.

And then she finished with the recruitment, because she still loved her job.

-

_December._

-

When Ellen reached Patty's apartment, she discovered that Patty was holding another informal team leader meeting. She was in rare form, her teeth seeming to flash with every word. Despite all of her protestations otherwise, Ellen's stomach began to nervously churn.

"You know how I feel about failure." Patty paused. "You know how I deal with mistakes." She looked like she was about to slap her fist on the table. Instead, she took a sip of wine, visibly calming herself. "The opposition got one of my personal staff briefings, and that is unacceptable."

Andrew piped in, seeming almost slimy as he did it. "Patty, we've spent 3 days and we cannot find the leak. I don't think that the leak exists."

"Do you, Andrew?" Patty paused. Ellen knew that pause, Patty was about to say something that she relished. "I heard that you've been started an informal office poll, trying to see who will be the next Grand Caldwell. Do you know who it is?"

"We're thinking either Rob from the mail room or Tom," Andrew nervously chuckled.

Patty slid very close to him, her voice very sharp. "No, Andrew. It's you. I hope you enjoy your late night medical malpractice ads and the inevitable toupee, because you're fired."

She waited for him to close his mouth and gather her things, and as he was walking out the door, Patty called, "Does anyone else want to claim that a case-threatening information leak is imaginary?" The question was rhetorical to the point of silence. The rest of the associates slunk quietly away, until only Ellen was left with her status report on Claire.

"Ellen," Patty cooed, and it was then that she could feel the trouble bristling up her spine. "Have a Ho-Ho. It's seasonal."

-

Ellen had spent nearly 2 months trying to cultivate a relationship with Evelyn's cousin over the phone. The phone was not Ellen's strong suit, she was always much better when she could charm people or ply them with alcohol. Megan was jittery, almost too skinny, and she had backed out of a face-to-face meeting 3 times. Patty had warned her about Christmas making all of the clients literally insane.

Megan showed up in the dead of night, looking like she was terrified of being tailed. She was almost a half hour late, and her voice was shaking. Ellen took one look at her and texted Evelyn their location, just as a reinforcement.

The Vietnamese diner was an excellent place to talk, but Megan refused to open her mouth. It took most of Ellen's patience to keep from showing her exasperation. The established timetable was already seriously out of alignment and thinking about Patty's reaction made her skull throb. Evelyn's cousin began folding origami animals out of the cloth napkins, staring at her fingers.

"I think that I saw my boss engage in something that he shouldn't have," Megan admitted. "And I'm pretty sure that Magnolia is involved."

Ellen leaned over to her, schooling her expression to careful concern. "Do you think you need protection?"

Megan nodded, drawing her hood over her head.

"You have it."

-

When Michael made his third visit of the month, Ellen already had more than enough. She was getting less than 6 hours of sleep each night, coordinating their outside sources took more than 12 hours each day, Patty was demanding constant status metings, and Wes had decided that he could only sleep at her place. She was completely done with everything Hewes-related.

Michael's latest ploy for his mother's love was to make her as jealous as possible. He had somehow surmised that Patty thought of Ellen as a long-lost daughter, despite the fact that it was probably untrue and a loyalty ploy. And he just wanted to freak out his mother as badly as possible, even worse than the time he pretended that he had knocked his MILF up.

And Ellen was just done. Completely done. The holiday season meant she needed to throw shopping on top of everything else. The thought made her neck throb. Michael made her head throb.

"I found something out, and I couldn't in good conscience just let you go on completely blind to it," Michael said, his face overfull of fake compassion. "My mom and your boyfriend have been sending each other long encrypted e-mails almost every night for the last 2 months. I don't know what's in them, but I do know that my mom is going through a rough divorce."

Ellen placed both of her heels on her desk and reclined to a comfortable position. She appeared to be mulling things over, but counted to 17 inside of her head. "I don't care," she said. Michael raised an eyebrow and tried to move closer, but she shut him down. "Michael," she repeated. "I don't care. Close the door on your way out."

Michael did his very best hurt puppy routine as slowly as possible. But once he was gone, Ellen began to strategize. Michael was a Hewes, and he had learned how to lie from his mother, so there was always some truth in it. Ellen couldn't be sure what the truth was, but she could keep her eyes open. It was just one more thing for her to multitask, and small, considering the amount of time she spent with them.

Almost 3 months back with Patty, and Ellen still couldn't get inside of her motives. It was starting to make her nervous.

-

Things with Megan the secretary who saw too much were falling apart, and Ellen couldn't seem to get a handle on everything. Megan had fled to a family gathering in an alpine skiiing resort somewhere in Colorado and had announced that she wasn't going to answer her phone for 3 days. Claire had begun to report that it appeared the FBI was beginning to suspect the veracity of her claims. Her boyfriend engaged in constant secret correspondance with Patty Hewes, something that she was supposed to know existed and then leave alone. Her hair had started to fall out. It felt like she hadn't done anything with the law for months.

Ellen could already tell that her Christmas would be miserable. But it did keep her mind off of David, and that was better than anything else. If she thought about everything that she had lost, Ellen might just implode. If Patty concernedly told her to eat another time, Ellen would probably explode. She could feel Patty judging her from her periphery.

An hour into the party, Tom grabbed her arm with fake camraderie. Maybe the holidays were making her sentimental, but she could almost remember a time when she had been able to count Tom as an ally. "Ellen," he whispered with his voice very, very warm in her ear. "Go home."

She shook her head, since she was required to be there so that the other associates didn't forget that she existed. The offical cover story was probation from the office after so many fakeouts, but they needed to know that she still had a foothold with Patty. "Listen to me," Tom sighed. "You need to go home early and have Wes pin you to the mattress for a few hours, get all of that frustration out." He didn't even blush. Ellen might have blushed if wasn't busy trying to figure if Tom had come up with it on his own. "You've got the emptiest night that you'll have for a while, let some hard physical exertion drain the irritation right away."

Of course Tom wouldn't have come up with that on his own. The idea was pure meddlesome Patty, who toasted her smugly from her cup of egg nog. It was as good as an order, Ellen knew. And at least it got her out of the artfully placed candles and holly. And the best part was that nobody would know if she just went home and got a full night of sleep plus a bit extra and woke up well-rested for once.

-

Wes shoved her hips hard against the nearest wall, almost crushing her with his kiss. He twisted somewhere and his shoulders pinned her at the shoulders while his fingers quickly slid up her skirt. His mouth felt like drowning over and over. He had her against the wall.

Then, he threw her to the bed and pinned her. Wes held her arms and legs steady while he taunted her. He whispered, "Don't think I won't tie you to the bed if you're not enjoying yourself enough." He had her on the bed without bothering to remove her clothes again.

They spent 4 hours in bed, and then Wes rolled over and grabbed another condom. He didn't even particularly look like he wanted to go again. Actually, he looked like he was following instructions from Patty. Because of course Patty would get him to follow her orders. This whole thing was just another one of her plans, and Ellen hated it, rage tensing all of her muscles.

She attacked Wes like an animal, with her fingernails and her teeth and punishing him with every stroke for giving into Patty until she had no energy left to spare for him. And Wes kept going until she felt broken, limply whimpering.

Ellen felt legitimately good, almost satiated, and boneless. The knowledge burned like shame in her veins, and even with her exhaustion, Ellen couldn't sleep.

-

Ellen came to the status meeting already compromised, angry with Patty to the point of tears. So much of her life revolved around Patty, and then she had to go and invade Ellen's bedroom too. It was like Patty wouldn't be satisfied until she had conquered every little part of Ellen. She just wanted a Patty clone, something empty and flawless. And it wasn't like Ellen wanted to be Patty. She just wanted to be a good lawyer who stopped injustices, she didn't care about the media coverage or the exorbitant amounts of money.

Malcolm had found mental institution records for one of DuBois's most loyal personal assistants, but that information didn't take long to share with Patty. There was a lull in conversation before Ellen could prepare herself for it. Patty stared at her for a few seconds, subtly challenging her. Ellen's eyeballs ached and the room seemed too bright.

Ellen couldn't help herself. "I think that the advice you gave last night to Wes and me was completely inappropriate," she said.

"Was it inaccurate?" Patty chuckled and stirred her tea.

"That's beside the point. You had no right to interfere in my personal business like that. You are my boss." Ellen made sure the words were even, but she couldn't help the snarl.

Patty wrapped a blanket around her pajamas and exasperation flicked across her face for a short moment. "I am also your mentor, and I will teach you the life skills that I deem lacking in any useful way that I can find. I will not have a hopelessly underprepared lawyer defend my firm in court."

"I am not lacking basic life skills," Ellen exclaimed. She wanted to sink backwards into the couch.

Her warning should have been when Patty's eyes narrowed. "Ellen, do you consider yourself to be ambitious?" Her voice was very smooth.

"No." The answer was automatic.

Patty shifted until she was very close to Ellen's face. "Why not? Don't you feel that ambition is a necessary trait? Be honest."

"I," she said, wrinkling her forehead when she didn't know how to finish. Patty held quiet until Ellen began to speak again. "I don't need it. I just do the right thing and everything works out for me."

Patty began to laugh, sharply derisive. "So, you are convinced that there is one defined and correct way to conduct your life, and you think that you can manage to find it. Not only will you know it when you see it, there will be no impossible circumstances to keep you from following what you are supposed to do. And you have concluded that once you are able to follow this mythical right thing to do, the universe will reveal itself to be a meritocracy and you will be justly rewarded." She frowned, slipping from mockery to anger. "I am so disappointed."

Ellen's gut dropped uncomfortably low. "No, I just mean," she had to stop.

"You have been societally conditioned to think that ambition is for men and that if you simply behave properly, you will be given your dues. This was a system set up by the patriarchy, Ellen. No matter what happens, you will never be perfect enough. There will always be a reason to hold you back and deny you, it is a system designed to keep women complacent and away from any real source of power. And despite all of your life's events that prove otherwise, you stubbornly cling to it." Patty took a deep breath, "Tell me, if you did not believe in a great karmic reward for all of your work, would you still do it?"

Ellen wanted to run to the bathroom and weep like a teenager. Her eyes stung, and she had to tilt her head up to keep from crying in front of Patty. She couldn't show weakness; she had to answer. "Yes, I would still do it."

"What do you really want, Ellen?"

She turned to Patty, fighting the urge to curl up in a ball and die. Ellen tried to keep her voice as strong and even as she could. "I don't know," she admitted. That seemed to be enough for Patty.

-

Ellen was thinking about lunch, not actually paying attention on the steps of the courthouse. The deposition had been boring, the defense had nothing substantial to contribute, and the courtroom chairs had been manufactured in an era where they had not yet figured that design could be integrated with comfort. Her back twinged.

She saw Patty flinch before anything else. Then, she heard the loud popping. Patty didn't look scared, not even when Tom grabbed her arm and began to run up the stairs back into the main courthouse.

Ellen scanned the crowd around them, trying to figure where the gunshots were coming from. She couldn't convince her legs to move for a few long seconds, so she justified that she was figuring where they were coming from so that she could best avoid them. Ellen also pretended that it was a random shooting, having nothing at all to do with Patty.

Trying to ignore the panicked screaming, Ellen ran toward the courthouse until she started falling. It was weird how she fell flat backward, and then her left side was on fire. Her head throbbed against the marble for a few seconds before she realized that she was shot.

Fuck, she hadn't intended to take a bullet.

Ellen didn't want to lose consciousness either, she just slid quietly out of it.

-

When Ellen opened her eyes, she was in a hospital. Everything smelled of antiseptic in the way that still reminded her of David and there were all sorts of intrusive beeping. Patty was at the foot of her bed. Ellen's mouth was very dry. "How long have I been out?" she croaked.

"About 13 hours, nothing major," Patty smiled. She looked dangerously angry, but the rage didn't seem to touch Ellen. "You were shot once in the abdomen. You needed minor surgery get the bullet out and to make superficial repairs to your small intestine. After a couple of weeks of recouperation, you should be fine."

Ellen nodded. Her body felt like it had been wrapped in very coarse cotton and her abdomen was throbbing.

Patty moved from the foot of the bed to a chair right next to Ellen's head, putting her hand on top of Ellen's. "The shooter was a mentally unstable former employee of DuBois's. He is in custody, and we are working on figuring out the circumstances of the shooting." It was most probable that DuBois or an intermediary had put him up to it, and they both knew it. Patty took a slow breath, obviously looking over her notes. "Two other injuries, no fatalities, no one you know. Your parents are in the waiting room, should you wish to talk to them." Ellen shook her head.

"Once I'm off the sedatives, I want to go straight back to work." Patty nodded. Of course Ellen could trust Patty to understand that.

The room smelled too much like David when he came home from double shifts, and Ellen was having a hard time not crying. Patty took one hand and gently turned Ellen's face towards hers. "I swore vengeance on the FBI, and they will be punished for what they did to my Uncle Pete," she said. "I cannot settle this case." It was probably as close to an apology for the shooting as Patty would get. But Ellen didn't need an apology for that.

"I would never settle with them after something like this," Ellen sighed. "They have earned at least what they will be getting." Patty's eyes changed subtly at that, and it felt like they had reached some kind of agreement to something that Ellen couldn't quite vocalize. Patty's cell phone broke the moment, but Ellen could feel it lingering.

And from across the room, Ellen heard Patty growl, "They will become intimate with the price of fucking with me."

-

_January._

-

Ellen limited the time she spent with her parents because she wasn't in the mood to be babied. She gently banished her parents back to their house and instead, she met with Katie in her hospital bed with piles of paperwork and tried not to think of David.

Wes had been in the room earlier with flowers and contraband air freshener to help with the antiseptic scent. Ellen could still smell his cologne if she focused.

Katie was wearing something crocheted and trendy that draped artfully around her, and she looked completely alien. "Hey," she said, and sat on the bed, brushing the hair from Ellen's face. The movement jostled Ellen's gut, and she felt unaccountably hollow. "I see that Patty has you working like a racehorse," Katie snorted.

"I asked her to," Ellen replied, her voice sounding syrupy in her own ears. She tried not to wince. "Hospitals remind me too much of David."

"Me too," Katie said, letting everything go quiet for a little bit. And then her voice caught indignantly in her throat. "Ellen, what would be say if he could see you now?"

Ellen stared at a shadow behind Katie's back. "If he couldn't be here with me, David would want me to be happy. I'm productive, Katie. I'm doing something worthwhile with my life."

"You shouldn't be resigning yourself to the life of a lonely workaholic!" Katie jumped from the bed and jostled nausea back into her.

Ellen kept her voice as even as possible, calm to best illustrate her point. "Katie. There won't be another David. He was the one I was supposed to marry, and all of that is gone now, and I have to go on with my life. I can do other things, I can create a brilliant career."

"But you don't have to do it under Patty," Katie sighed. "You could do it somewhere else. Your family wants you to try something different, to get away from Patty," she pleaded.

There were so many different answers that Ellen could give, but none of them would satisfy Katie. So, she just shook her head and waited for Katie to leave. It didn't take very long.

And then, there was so much paperwork that she didn't have enough concentration for anything else.

-

Ellen's second night back from the hospital, Phil Grey appeared at her doorstep with takeout and a folder of work from Patty. Ellen was used to having Felicia or Tom drop them off, so she probably looked too shocked. Phil just looked bemused and waited for her invitation.

"I've heard that you've been working upwards of 12 straight hours at a time, with minimal mealtime breaks." Phil had a way of quirking his eyebrow so that he looked stern and unyielding without losing any kindness. "That is unacceptable, you will ruin your recovery." Ellen could hear in his voice that Patty had sent him, and she almost wondered what kind of favor he was repaying. But it was best to stay out of Patty and Phil's marriage, she remembered.

Although it was a bit weird that he didn't even seem cranky doing something so trivial. Ellen was so busy pondering, that she didn't notice that Phil had moved her paperwork out of reach until it was too late. He managed to do it without disturbing her order, which was miraculous, but he looked sternly at her. "If you cannot easily get that, you will not work on it for the rest of the night." He'd entrapped her.

Ellen could still easily reach her cell phone in case anything came up, but that was the extent of it. Phil helped her move from her bed to the living room couch and lined it with pillows. He found his way around her kitchen to dish up the food. And he sat next to her for the entirety of the meal, close enough that she could feel his body heat but not obtrusively close.

He was a stunningly good caretaker, Ellen realized. He forced her to watch an old black and white film, something French about motorcyclists and mirrors, with subtitles. It was just engaging enough that she wasn't bored and not at all tiring, although she didn't care to pay attention to the plot. The next one was a Greta Garbo movie, and he paused it in the middle to take a call from Patty.

Ellen could hear the tenderness in his voice through her walls, and felt idiotic for not noticing it before. They weren't going to break up. They were going through the act of a very public separation and divorce to salvage their reputations, but they were still together. Patty really hadn't cared if Phil had other women on trips. And Phil still obviously adored her.

Her husband was Patty's humanizing element.

When Phil came back to the movie, he sat very close next to her and rested his hand comfortingly along the back of her neck. Just rested it, no stroking or shaking. It felt good, so nice that she wanted to curl up in his lap and have him pet her. But he was Patty's husband, and he would always be her husband.

And Phil was managing Ellen exactly the same way that he always managed Patty, and it was working. So it was possible that someday Ellen could end up like Patty, more force of nature than person. And Patty had started out as a person just like she had. Her thoughts were heavy and terrible. She had never wanted to end up like Patty, never even considered that to be a possibily.

Ellen felt like a raw wound, but she just couldn't let Patty's husband comfort her any more.

-

Ellen stayed overnight at Wes's place develop the logistics of Patty's backup plan, but his place always lead to bad things. When she went searching for paper towels, Ellen found that her boyfriend had a hidden box of files under the sink in his kitchen. They were waterproofed and plastic, and bright red like Pete's files were. Just like Pete, who had tried to kill her.

Ellen felt something in her jaw settle, and something else crack. And Ellen just undoubtedly knew that she was incapable of dating Wes for any longer. She called him over on his lunch break with some kind of stupid request for something she didn't really need. He was still devoted to her, and his body was fantastic and she just couldn't do it.

She made sure to pull the offending box out and place it at her feet. "Wes," she didn't wait until he had kissed her hello. "I can't do this any more." She was sure that she didn't sound angry, just resigned. "I can't. It's like you've become her new Pete, and I can't do that."

"Ellen," Wes murmured.

She didn't want to cry. "I just can't deal with having Patty own anything else that I care about. I need something that's mine. And if I think about what she would need you to do to if you keep up with this, it makes me want to vomit. You have a file in there with my name on it."

Wes leaned over and tried to touch her, but she couldn't take it. Ellen hadn't especially loved him, and she was still trembling all over. "I can explain," he tried.

"I don't want explanations, Wes," Ellen called. "And I don't want compromises, and I don't want promises. I can't deal with us!" He was quiet but Ellen knew that she'd broken through to him. "I'm sorry," she whispered, trying to wipe her tears without smudging her mascara.

Wes looked like he was about to start sobbing on the floor. "I'm sorry too," he grunted.

Ellen walked out of his house and felt like she had left the heaviest part of her heart with him. And then she went into the nearest restroom, fixed her make up and went back to work.

-

Ellen knew in her gut that she was going to have a shitty day, even though her morning was almost cloyingly normal. She passed on a second cup of coffee and a strawberry danish, wanting to feel alert. Patty had decided to bring her along on her lunch meeting with Marshall Phillips, her third time out of her apartment since the injury. Patty preferred to have Ellen around for her meetings with Phillips. Ellen knew that she wouldn't have been half as vicious if Philllips weren't representing Ray Fiske's former firm. And she knew that Patty liked having someone around who could appreciate the gesture.

Phillips was desperate for a settlement, so desperate that Ellen could smell it stronger than his cologne. "Patty," he sighed, "What is it going to take for you to settle?"

"I won't settle," she responded, and sipped her coffee. Patty looked regal, and Ellen made sure she was stoic to match.

He drummed his fingers against the table, his voice becoming more robotic with his frustration. "Everyone has a price, Patty. Just name yours."

"My price is not payable in any kind of monetary form, Marshall." Patty looked disinterested.

Phillips fiddled with his briefcase for a few moments, trying to catch Patty's eye without speaking. He was an amateur, Patty had said that he only got his position within the firm because of nepotism, and Ellen could see it. He wouldn't last a week in court with her. He looked like he knew it. "Jesus," he eventually spat, "I finally get it. I understand how Ray Fiske could have been driven to such an act."

Patty let the statement hang in the air for long minutes and then shrugged her shoulders as if to shift the topic. "Have you run out of witty anecdotes about your grandfather, Marshall? I know a few tidbits about his ladies on the side that would make wonderful lunch conversation. You did know about his penchant for preadolescant girls?" Ellen watched as Marshall's ears grew steadily redder. "And yet, you are only in that firm because of him, on some small misguided hope that somehow some of his courtroom ruthlessness is hiding in your genes. You will never make partner. You are hopeless in the courtroom, at best, you are middle-management." Patty paused, sipping her coffee for effect. "Your firm was tossed this case because after the Frobisher debacle, you are the cheapest name around and the client never expected to have to use you. And now, I am going to drag your ass through court until your reputation is in tatters."

-

Patty knew about the breakup, Ellen was sure that Wes had shared it with her. And even if she hadn't, Ellen had mentioned it in passing and the rest of the staff knew. So she had to have added him to their private conference for a reason. Patty looked over at him and looked especially pleased with herself.

Wes stood awkwardly in front of her and he slid a bright red envelope to her. It was labeled with her name. "We have good news," Patty announced, then gestured with her eyebrows that Wes was to continue.

"In a few hours, the NYPD will release a statement saying that they are pressing charges against Lila DiMeo for David's murder."

Ellen couldn't have possibly heard that right. "What?" She felt like her lungs had contracted to the size of golfballs and were just sitting. Her gut ached from the sudden movement. "But it was Frobisher's people that did it, we know that."

"It's very likely that we will never be able to prove that in a court of law," Patty murmured. "In order for you to have the proper career trajectory, you cannot have the unsolved suspicious murder of a fiance hanging around your neck."

Wes turned to her, but was very careful to avoid physical contact. "That stalker was already in the apartment building the night of the murder. She snuck into your apartment after you left. I checked the security tapes myself, Ellen, and she had made herself a copy of David's keys and had been sneaking into your apartment while you weren't home. She isn't stable, and she would've escalated. She might even have escalated with David if given the chance."   
Patty turned and grasped Ellen's hand. "She belongs in jail, Ellen. You know it. This is not an innocent woman. And in order to be an effective prosecutor, your criminal record must be spotless."

Ellen buried her face in her hands for a few seconds, and when she looked up, Wes and Patty were sharing a conspiratorial look. They had guessed just what her reaction would be and they did it regardless. Ellen shouldn't have felt so flattered.

For the hard sell, Patty placed a finger on Ellen's chin and directed her face close enough so that she could feel Patty's breath. "Sometimes justice has to come through alternative avenues or it doesn't arrive at all." Ellen nodded. Patty used her motherly face and reassuringly squeezed her hand. "Come on, we have an announcement to make, and you need to start drafting your official press statement."

Ellen wanted nothing more than to find Phil and bury her head in his shoulder. Instead, she straightened her posture with her skirt and decided to grow the hell up.

-

Megan wasn't the most integral witness that Patty's case had, but she was quite valuable. She was also the most nervous girl that Ellen had ever laid eyes on. But Ellen couldn't show her annoyance. She sat on Megan's lumpy couch and listened to her gasp about wiretaps and cell phone records.

Patty was right, she needed to use the hard sell. Ellen stopped Megan mid-sentence with a loud thump of her glass. She schooled her face to look almost sad, sort of conflicated. "I'm sorry, Meg," she sighed. "Patty needs to know about your decision tonight."

The other girl gasped, her lips wide like a guppy. "That's not enough time," she cried.

"Well, I can tell her no," Ellen offered. She stood at the door, leaning causally against it. "But I have to give you the same advice that I give to everyone else. Just do what Patty wants." She paused. "You have two options with Patty. You can do what Patty wants the first time she asks, or Patty will fuck you until her requirements become your only available option."

Megan looked angry, but Ellen knew to predict that, moving nonchalantly towards the door. "You can't just say that. Nobody is that powerful."

"Patty Hewes is like a hurricane of justice," Ellen murmured. "And she isn't wildly destructive, but nothing keeps Patty from achieving her objective. Really, your only out of this situation would have been to be completely invisible to her. And sometimes even that doesn't work, sometimes your employer or your sister or your best friend from college accidentally crosses Patty, and then she's got you too." Ellen slowly exhaled. "Patty recruited me through my future Sister-in-Law," she admitted.

Ellen didn't need to hear Megan's response to know that she was compliant. When Megan started nodding, Ellen pulled the necessary paperwork from her briefcase. "I'm just going to need you to sign, initial and date this form. It's all of the information that we discussed earlier, you can check." The moment almost felt like victory, but was interrupted by Ellen's phone.

It was Tom, and he sounded frazzled. "It's time to initiate the backup," he sighed. "Tonight."

"I'm just gathering the last of the paperwork now," Ellen replied. "Do you want me to bring over the rest of the stuff?"

"Yeah, thanks, I'll have your rental pick you up at your apartment in 35 minutes." Tom hung up without a response.

Megan was just finishing initialing when Ellen came back. "Would you mind if I used your phone? Mine's just run out of batteries and I need to tell Patty about this."

-

After she had called Phil and had him leave Brussels for Paris by train, Ellen faxed off her official statement to the press and caught a taxi back to her apartment.

Ellen didn't have to worry about packing, she'd had the bags all ready for a week, just in case.

Things were moving quickly and there was no room for error. The rental car was 10 minutes late to her house, but that could be forgiven. Ellen was packed and driving within 5 minutes. But fuck, she hated New York traffic.

It was 11:00 by the time she made it to Michael's apartment. To her immense shock, Michael was asleep. His MILF was puttering around the house, and it was a good thing that they had always been pleasant. Ellen was able to pack and idly small-talk at the same time, throwing Michael's toiletries and clothes haphazardly into the first duffel bag she found. Patty didn't care if the process was pleasant.

Ellen put the duffel on her arm, grabbed Michael's ear with her left and his elbow with her right and then twisted him awake. He spluttered before he noticed her, and he looked very young. Ellen didn't let go of his ear.

"I've got orders from your mom. I've packed you a bag and you need to get in the car with me." Ellen started to tug, reminding herself that acknowledging his whining would only ensure that he continually did it. "Right now. Unless you would prefer prision, shut up and follow me."

Michael seemed shocked into silence. His hair looked like a mangled poodle. The MILF said, "What about me?"

"If I were you," Ellen called, shoving Michael into the backseat and engaging the child safety locks, "I would stay out of your house tomorrow. Probably work too. Just lay low, nothing should happen."

She left the driveway before there were any questions and was incredibly grateful for Tom's suggestion of filling the entire passenger seat with her luggage. When Ellen cranked up the radio, she didn't have to listen to Michael, and he was asleep in the backseat within a half hour, not wearing a seat belt just to piss her off.

Minus the drive, her end of the plan had been fulfilled. She resisted the temptation to check in with everyone else.

-

_February._

-

The FBI raided the Hewes and Associates offices the next morning at 9:00am and the offices were completely empty, down to the janitors.

-

Patty won, of course.

She won everything. The FBI had a massive corruption scandal. Every beurocrat that had ever handled Patty's case was facing criminal charges. The FBI was forced to write her a formal letter of apology for their misconduct, and Ellen got to watch as Patty stood triumphantly over the man that ordered the mission on her Uncle Pete.

Patty Hewes always won.

-

Patty Hewes played gangsta rap from the window of her limosine as she watched Wolf DuBois get handcuffed on criminal charges 40 minutes after signing a truly devestating settlement agreement.

She didn't look especially happy, but then, she never did. Patty looked satisfied, but her satisfaction never lasted long.

-

Ellen stood at the pier of Patty's beach house, watching the ocean. She didn't have it in her to explain why she wasn't enjoying the celebratory barbeque.

Patty looked like she understood. Honestly, Ellen was tired of being so easy to read. But that came along with the job, she knew.

"Lovely afternoon," Patty called over. The waves were almost frozen and Ellen's fingers were completely numb.

"Yeah," Ellen agreed.

Patty walked over to Ellen, close enough to have a good view of her face. Her voice sounded concerned, but Ellen knew better. "You seem to be quite somber, Ellen. This was a good victory, and we won't have another like it for quite a while."   
"Everything that I've achieved has seemed hollow since David died," Ellen admitted.

Patty paused, looking over the water. When she stood at the end of her dock, Patty looked like she owned the ocean. "You look like you have a question."

Ellen inhaled so deeply that her lungs ached. "When you admitted that you ordered the hit on me, you were crying. Was that your guilt or the stab wound?"

"Mostly the stabbing," Patty admitted. She nodded at something off in the distance, and turned her full attention to Ellen. "Does the lack of saline change the validity of my apology?"

Ellen frowned. She had wanted to have this conversation for such a long time, and she hadn't even admitted it. "Do you regret what you did?"

"Yes." Patty did not sound forced. It was probably as genuine as she could sound.

"I forgive you," Ellen admitted. "I don't know why, but I think I have to." She contemplated the waves for a while. "I don't know that I'm doing this for the right reasons. I love the law, but I want something else. I want to ensure that all of the powerful men who had the power and ability to make little people like David disappear can't do it any more. I want to set up a check, even if all that can be is the overwhelming worry that if they ruin human lives for profit, they will be made to pay. I want to have a force so overwhelming that the thought of being in iunder its wrath is enough to scare the rich and powerful out of temptation."

Patty raised an eyebrow. "I don't see anything wrong with that." She looked almost proud at Ellen, and Ellen was reminded of all of the horrible ways that Patty contradicted. Ellen could honestly be the closest link that Patty felt to her dead daughter, and Patty wouldn't hesitate to eliminate her at the first sign of mistrust. Patty walked so close to Ellen that she their noses nearly touched. "Will you be loyal to me and my causes?"

"Yes," Ellen promised.

"Is this the life that you want?"

Ellen made sure to consider it against everything else she had seen and everything that she wanted and could not have. "Yes," she admitted.

"Then we have an agreement," Patty smiled. "I'll expect you in the office on Monday."

"Alright," Ellen replied. The moment felt heavy, significant.

For a few bright seconds, Ellen felt victorious. And when that ended, she smiled. She had chosen. This was her life.

Ellen was satisfied.

-


End file.
